Pizza, Dolls, and Tank Tops

Fairies give me the creeps. You may be wondering if this has anything to do with anything, or how it relates to the title of this blog entry. Well, tonight's theme is that I don't really have anything in particular I want to write about; I'm just going to let my thoughts fly and see what comes out for the next twenty-ish minutes. Grammar be damned, I just don't care about anything that's run-on or dangling tonight. Fairies are on my mind because I am currently watching Marie Osmond selling some creepy fairy doll on a home shopping show. I've always thought fairies were creepy. I just can't trust anything that's so petite and sparkly. Damn, though, she can sell the shit out of those pricey little creeps. Right now she's talking about how this doll is a symbol of the peaks and valleys we have to travel through in life or something. I better go grab my credit card.

I'm so hungry for pizza right now that I just did an image search for "gooey cheese pizza" so I would have something delicious to look at. I'm looking at pizza pictures and listening to Marie Osmond talk about walking through life with a magical porcelain fairy. Amazing.

I don't think of myself as a person who makes judgements about people based on what they wear, but I've come up with my own little theory that most women who have a little bit bigger arms and wear tank top-ish sleeveless shells with one bra strap hanging out are probably unhappy with their jobs. Think about it.

I have too many chins. I need to do something about that.

The other night I was pretending to be a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance. I woke up the next morning with a sore neck. I couldn't figure out what it was from, until I went to rehearse my signature SYTYCD wild head-roll and went "Ow!" Woops. Reality TV is dangerous for my mind and my body.

Have you ever gone to a movie and had a sudden urge to get up in the middle of it, stand in front of the screen, and start waving hello and/or tap dancing? Like, you wouldn't say anything, you would just move your body for the people in front of the movie screen for about 5 minutes and then return to your seat as if nothing happened. Draw a mental picture of it and I dare you not to laugh. People would probably think you had issues, but that's something I would enjoy seeing. I guess I would rather see it than actually do it. So if you're game, you should invite me to a movie sometime.

Did you ever see that Michael Jackson interview that Martin Bashir did a few years back? It was right around the time of the baby dangling incident. Well, I was chewing a piece of gum tonight and thinking about that interview. I remember Michael saying that when he was a kid and making so much money, he didn't understand why he couldn't have any of his money because he just wanted to buy candy and bubblegum. It got me thinking, what if you blew millions of dollars on candy and bubblegum? That would be so weird.

I like it when ladies who have really fakey looking acrylic nails point at things while they talk. It tickles my funny bone in a way that I can't really explain. Put on some fake nails and point at stuff; it's impossible not to laugh.

Do you know what would be a funny chest/torso tattoo? Crumbs of your favorite foods. Then, if you took your shirt off, it would look like you had just spilled food on yourself. This would also be a good idea for a lap tattoo.

Gooey cheese pizza.

I hate it when people leave their farts in random store aisles. Then, if you go down that aisle by yourself and then somebody else comes down that aisle, it's totally getting blamed on you. Not fair.

Do you ever wonder if you have an amazing natural talent for something you've never tried before. Like, what if I'm this amazing skeet shooter and I don't even know it. One of my favorite parts of Arthur 2: On the Rocks is when Dudley Moore is shooting skeet, and he shoots first and then yells "Pull! Hit the bullet! Hit the bullet!" I effing love that movie! IOL! If you don't know what that means you need to see the movie ASAP. It's SO under-rated!

Remember that gay dude Liza Minelli was married to a few years back. David something. Remember how he said Liza beat him up? He did an interview a few years ago with Stone Phillips and lifted up his shirt to show off his Liza scars...they were totally stretch marks! He tried to blame Liza for his flabby gut! Stone might not know a stretch mark when he sees one, but I sure as hell do.

Mmhhh...garlic.

I think I'm going crazy. I need to fall asleep so I can stop thinking about pizza and garlic. Plus it's been way more that twenty minutes. I've rather enjoyed writing this little piece of spewage though. Mmmhh...dipping sauce. Good night!