Viva la Vida!

If you haven't heard it yet, I demand you go to iTunes immediately and fork over $.99 for Coldplay's amazing new song. I promise it will be the best $.99 you've spent all year. It'll be even better than that dollar you spent on the slick 'n shine bubble gum lip balm you think makes you look like Angelina Jolie, if you can imagine that. Sometimes you have to give a song a few listens before you warm up to it, but this is a total love at first listen experience. I've heard it like a bajillion times now and it still gives me goosebumps. While you're out there surfing the world wide interweb, you should go to their official website and sign up to win a pair of tickets/airfare to their show at Madison Square Garden; think of how much fun you would have taking me with you! Not like the deal needs any sweetening, but I'll even let you hold me while they sing Yellow and In My Place.

I've heard people say that when they put their iPods in the shuffle mode, they feel like it can read their soul. I've never had that experience of having it pick the exact song I needed to hear at that moment; ya know, like some song you haven't listened to in ages but is so all about your life right now. Invariably, when I put mine in the shuffle mode, within the first 10 songs I can count on hearing Will Smith sing Freakin' It and/or Wild Wild West. I'm not really sure what my iPod is trying to tell me with this. Do I need to incorporate more "dang diggy dang da dang da dang diggy diggy" into my daily vocabulary? I just don't really know if I could pull that off, or "freak it" if you will. Ya know, though, at least ten times a day I do hear myself telling people, "Don't let your lip react, you don't wanna see my hand where my hip be at." Hmm, maybe I should start wearing belts.

I hope you all did something nice to celebrate your moms today. I honored my mother by eating deli salads, doing the dishes, and taking a nap. As I type this, I'm thinking back to the first time I helped my mom get on the internet; she took the mouse and pointed it at the monitor like a remote control. I also remember her telling me we needed to make sure we wiped it down a lot so it stayed clean and wouldn't catch a virus; she tried to play it off like a joke, but I'm quite sure she was serious. Gotta love her! I wouldn't tell these tales if I thought she had the slightest chance of finding this. "What letters do I push, honey? Ww.maude/com.internet. I think we need new batteries for the rat, nothing happens when I point it on the picture screen." Ok, she's not that bad. Mom, if you ever push the right letters and let the rat guide you to the right place on the picture screen, know that I love you and I'm just playin.

I've said it before, but Sunday just sucks the life outta me. I dropped my remote on the floor right next to me like twenty minutes ago and have endured half-watching a program I have absolutely no interest in because I just really don't feel like bending down. Damn. It's Swayze Sunday though, so I'm gonna have to freak this and just bend down and get it. And yes, the tradition continues although I have stopped writing about it. I felt like it was probably really annoying and decided to just keep it to myself. I'm freakin it on my own. Dang diggy dang da dang da dang diggy diggy.

You Had Me at "You're Glib"

I don't know what the friz is going on with me, but I think I'm going through some kind of latent Tom Cruise obsession phase of my life right now. I feel like this is a rite of passage everyone must experience at one time or another; boy, girl, gay, straight, young, old...it matters not. I have full awareness right now that I am a total and complete sucker for his carefully calculated Oprah comeback. I've never considered myself a big fan of his. I've always kind of had an attitude about it too, like I felt special because I had more refined taste (as evidenced by my love of films like Roadhouse and Soapdish) and wouldn't dream of drooling over some silly matinee idol like him. Anyway, after seeing him on Oprah, I can't stop fantasizing about twirling bottles and learning how to play Cocktail with him, or whispering jokes in his ear that will make him laugh in a way that frightens me, or having him sing "You've lost that loving feeling" every time our friends come around so they know he loves me and he's totally not gay. I know he's like two heaping spoonfuls of crazy, but you have to admit he is like the quintessential movie star of our generation (let's remember I place Patrick on a pedestal of his very own, so all this drivel does nothing to erase or replace him). Anyway, the summer just doesn't seem right without his face on the big screen.

Man, you guys, this is way lame. I'm SO tired right now and it's nowhere near my bedtime. I will return tomorrow night after I've devoted some hours to pondering the other objects of my randiness (Coldplay and a titillating iPod upgrade). Titillating is such a weird word. Does it have anything to do with bosoms? Typing it makes me think of J-Lo's professional nipple tweakers. She has people on the payroll whose job it is to pinch her nips so she looks cold and excited all the time. That's what I heard anyway...at the job interview. Oh, snap! I bet you did NOT see that one coming! I wonder if there's like a corporate ladder for nipple tweakers, like you have to do a pinching apprenticeship with Bea Arthur before you can even dream about giving Madonna a squeeze. Hmm, something to think about.

Blocked

Ok friends, it's been too long since I've blogged. I'm feeling down-trodden and uninspired. I planned to offer you something tonight, but after writing for a while I realized my particular combination of words really sucked ball :) and I backspaced them all into oblivion, as I have done many times before. So here's the deal. I come to you tonight asking for help. I am but a pathetic blogger in need of a muse. If you are up to the challenge, sweet rewards await you...virtual hugs and emoticons of adoration. Leave a comment if you have an idea for a topic. Things I do not want to write about include (but are not limited to) my birthday (it was lovely, I just think it's annoying to carry on about your birthday when you're an old dame like me), work, boyfriend envy, driving anxiety, Darfur, errant strands of old-lady chin-hair, and the Jonas Brothers. I'm not promising to take your ideas, but I do promise to be back tomorrow night with something. Good night, and I'll be back tomorrow!