You Had Me at "You're Glib"

I don't know what the friz is going on with me, but I think I'm going through some kind of latent Tom Cruise obsession phase of my life right now. I feel like this is a rite of passage everyone must experience at one time or another; boy, girl, gay, straight, young, old...it matters not. I have full awareness right now that I am a total and complete sucker for his carefully calculated Oprah comeback. I've never considered myself a big fan of his. I've always kind of had an attitude about it too, like I felt special because I had more refined taste (as evidenced by my love of films like Roadhouse and Soapdish) and wouldn't dream of drooling over some silly matinee idol like him. Anyway, after seeing him on Oprah, I can't stop fantasizing about twirling bottles and learning how to play Cocktail with him, or whispering jokes in his ear that will make him laugh in a way that frightens me, or having him sing "You've lost that loving feeling" every time our friends come around so they know he loves me and he's totally not gay. I know he's like two heaping spoonfuls of crazy, but you have to admit he is like the quintessential movie star of our generation (let's remember I place Patrick on a pedestal of his very own, so all this drivel does nothing to erase or replace him). Anyway, the summer just doesn't seem right without his face on the big screen.

Man, you guys, this is way lame. I'm SO tired right now and it's nowhere near my bedtime. I will return tomorrow night after I've devoted some hours to pondering the other objects of my randiness (Coldplay and a titillating iPod upgrade). Titillating is such a weird word. Does it have anything to do with bosoms? Typing it makes me think of J-Lo's professional nipple tweakers. She has people on the payroll whose job it is to pinch her nips so she looks cold and excited all the time. That's what I heard anyway...at the job interview. Oh, snap! I bet you did NOT see that one coming! I wonder if there's like a corporate ladder for nipple tweakers, like you have to do a pinching apprenticeship with Bea Arthur before you can even dream about giving Madonna a squeeze. Hmm, something to think about.