Sunday, March 28, 2010

Back on the Shelf


Generic Cheese. I thought you had expired, so I took you off the shelf. Hold up partner, not just yet. Maybe artificial preservatives aren't so bad after-all. You've aged a little, but maybe that just means you're worth more these days. I wonder if you'll taste sharper or nuttier than you did the last time. Let's take a bite and see, hmm...

DELICIOUS!!! Enough with the supermarket inspired pseudo-sentimental musings; I'm back, bitches! Ugh, gross. Sorry.

I've abandoned this for so long that I don't even know where to start again. So many happenings, both big and small...shaking hands with Coldplay, saying farewell to Swayze, not to mention all the actual real-life stuff too. I sorta feel like cutting those pieces off into cubes, piercing them with decorative toothpics, and saving them as appetizers for another party. OK, sorry, guess I wasn't quite ready to retire the cheesy analogies.

It's springtime again. The skies are getting sunnier, the clothes are getting tinier, the flowers are getting pollenier, and the people are getting hornier. At every turn, prepare to be confronted with an image of some gloriously toned and tank-topped arms wrapped around one another in a passionate, can't wait to copulate embrace. If two of those arms happen to be yours, congratulations. Happy Springtime. I'll just be hanging out over here in my turtleneck. See ya when the leaves fall.

Enough of the bitter cheese, time for something tastier...like Jack Black. Dreamsicle. Shallow Hal is on TV right now, and I forgot how much I enjoy him. I really wish this movie was a documentary; I could be engaging in some springtime copulating right about now.

Random thought of the day...

I think it would be really funny to see someone non-chalantly walk around in a Vegas-style oversized feather head-dress. Color me simple, but the mere thought of oversized items in unexpected locations delights me beyond measure. What if you wore the head-dress to work and acted like it was no big thing? Khakis, polo, and thirty pound sparkle hat. What if you were in a meeting, and you also had an oversized pencil that you were using to take notes...a pencil so oversized it would require the use of both hands. If someone in the room asked to borrow a writing utensil, you could throw it at them like a javelin. What if you wore the head-dress to the movies, and the person behind you said they couldn't see, and you said, "Oh, I'm sooo sorry! I wasn't thinking," and then plucked out a single feather.

These are the thoughts that keep me warm when it's time to put the turtlenecks away. Smile. Cheese!

3 comments: